Ambivalent
by Lenora Jime
Summary: Sometimes we just didn't realize that we had decided our path when we searched blindly where to go, sometimes we just needed to accept and face whatever obstacles that laid out ahead of us… to go on, that's a life, a struggle to keep and gain something, not wasting and get nothing. (AU Fic, cover isn't mine along with the characters)
1. Chapter 1

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 **Warning!**

 **This is an AU FanFiction, may contain OOC-ness, typos, grammatical errors and be careful with unacceptable topic.**

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 **Ambivalent**

 **By Ashelia Elnora**

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" _Welcome to orb! Today is February sixth, CE 77. The temperature currently is thirty degree Celsius with bright sky. A perfect day to spend your time on our Onogoro beach…"_

Some people walked around the holographic girl that stood at the center hall of Onogoro International Airport. No one seemed paid attention more than a glance to the commercial speech of the girl blabbed about but one person stayed rooted in front of the girl, dazed like he just reunited with his long lost lover. His jaded eyes stared right to the girl through dark locks that made a curtain on his eyes and around his face. Passed his black cap's line he saw how long wavy blonde hairs of the girl tied together in high pony tail, her crystal clear blue eyes sparkling like ocean blue surface under the sun and a perfect straight posture but the beautiful smile she plastered across her face softened her frigid stance that brought by the system.

He knew someone that had some resemblances with the holographic girl here though he was no girl but that only a matter of time anyway. For all he knew, he could be one now. Uprooted himself, he willed his leg to move out of the airport to be greeted by humid breeze of Tropical Island. It wasn't the first time he set his foot on Orb lands but many of those had been purely business purpose. So he was actually kind of excited to spend his time here as himself. He quickly hailed a cab when there was one that went to his direction.

"To the nearest train station, please," he calmly said as soon as he got inside with his duffle bag on his left shoulder. The main city Onogoro wasn't his actual destination. A place where hardly crowded but not a village with barely transportation or communication, just suburb town where commotion scarcely occur, kinda a calm and quiet place he searched for.

But what he didn't know was that a rural community like that tended to fuss over the smallest thing and imagine what would happen if a scandalous figure graced on that kind of place. Disaster? Not really, just like a pinch of spice on bland soup.

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***…***

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"Three spaghetti meatballs, two fried rice and a plate of curry," hollered a gruff man with bready face and dark skinned through a rectangular opening on the wall that divided the counter and kitchen.

"The curry should wait longer, we're short on some of the items and Ahmed still on the way to pick them up," a plumpy middle ages women replied.

"Sahib, the drinks are ready," a fair haired cook that looked like a boy than a girl piped in and passed the full tray through the only passage on the wall to which the man named Sahib took the tray proficiently.

He let out a tired sigh. It was always like this every time the Bloody Valentine's annual came up. Many tourists would come to celebrate here since Lodonia was a place where a mass genocide of Coordinator occurred that led to Bloody Valentine War. Some of them came for paid a respect to their ancestors and large part of them came for haunting places and spooky legends. That was the only attraction Lodonia had so no wonder that the town itself gave off a depressed atmosphere. _But it was better than nothing_ , he thought dismally. At least the town had assured income each year.

"I guess I need the 'help wanted' placard for temporary hired worker," he mumbled while placing some ordered drinks on the destined tables.

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***….***

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Her faded green jumper she wore helped to block the coldness of February-night's wind and her hoodie hid her bright hairs, somehow recognized as a boy walked alone in the night was better idea than as a girl. Looking at the desolate road ahead of her, she was thinking how her time today mostly spent in hurried pace and almost surreal way. Today was one of those days she hated so much where her workloads forced her days to fall into pattern that hindered her to appreciate even small memorable moment. In those days she would find herself recounted every moment she spent in each step she took on her way home. It helped her to make her day less surreal and to get a better look of what happened today. But it was kind of lonely thought though.

When she was still in deep thought, a loud sound of trash bin being smashed rang out through small alley. Curious, she marched her way there in quiet steps to not alert whoever in alley because she swore the situation matched perfectly to where the most crime scene took place. At dim light of orange bulb provided, she could see the silhouette of three guys that seemed ganged up a long-black haired girl who crouched beside the trash bin. _Are they planning to rape, rob and then kill her?_ She thought darkly and with that thought only had already flared up her heroism sense. So she boldly ran into the scene and launched a jump hard kick to the side of nearest guy.

"What the hell!" cursed the long and wavy haired guy while the other guy helped the orange-reddish head that she had kicked.

"Yeah, what the hell are you guys doing? Ganged up on a girl like that!" she yelled back but not lowering her guard down.

"What a dick-headed bastard," the red head cursed, "I'm going to kill you!" he screamed and threw his fist in rage which she evaded with lowered her body then countered it with an upper cut.

Soon she engaged three guys that circled her like a prey, it was good thing that Sahib had taught her self-defense along with Ahmed since they were kids. She looked one by one her opponents, it seemed two of them had picked something for their weapons. The read head had a broken pipe and the green one had a bottle… _that could be dangerous_ , she thought warily, while the other remained calm and only watched her like hawk.

"HYYAA," the red head cried announced his attack unconsciously.

She moved as a reflex of practices, spun her body, gripped the red head wrist to stop the hit and positioned herself at his inner side that made her right leg tripling his legs and lost his balance. He was down with a moderate thump but she wasn't ended it there, she trampled his stomach with her foot that made him throttled hard.

The clammy one was smart enough to hold her shoulder and forced her to turn while she was busy pried away the broken pipe from the red head. She saw the punch coming and tried to blocked it with her arms but it never came instead she heard someone being punched, the girl she helped seemed had a tough punch that managed drawn blood from the clammy's mouth. The girl smirked to her as if to say _'the stage isn't only yours'_.

"Don't be so cocky, you asshole!" the wavy green haired lunged to the dark haired girl with a bottle in hand. She quickly knocked the bottle out of his grip with the pipe she got and sent both items to the side. Not waited him had any moment she kicked him at unsuspected area between his legs, made him writhed in pain on the ground.

The two of them that sprawled on the ground had gotten up though one of them still swayed while walked to their green head friend. She only watched both of them helped their friend and scrammed out. She assumed they were street kids that came to Lodonia during valentine to pick pocketing or rob the tourists. It was a routine occurrence every year when the crime case sky rocketing along side of high arrival of thick-pocket tourists.

"I'm sorry for what happened. Are you alright?" she asked while eyeing the girl bruise on the corner of her lips. She felt bad for such pretty lady like her experienced an awful incident.

The lady gave her a deep hearty laugh that sent her taken aback. It rang too weird in her ears, aside that she didn't understand why she laughed, she was debated if the way she referred her was the correct one. Her voice was similar to…

"What are you apologizing for? I should be the one who thanked you for your help," in _very_ _manly_ voice and he even gave her a charming smile while his lush eyes gleaming in gratitude.

She remained awe struck with wide eye and hanging mouth to the ground while he just ignored it and turned his back to her to collect and checked his discarded duffle bag on the other side of alley.

"Damn! They wiped out all my cash money!" he cursed irritably.

"Bloody hell! You're a boy!" she suddenly exclaimed in disbelieve, "What the use growing your hair that long!" she added while pointed at his long lustrous dark hair like it was sin for men to have beautiful hair like that.

"You should have known it, I don't have bobs!" as emphasize he touched his chest area like there was something there, "and it's not against law to men have long hair."

She gapped at his logic. Why would she stare at his bobs when his hair already a dead gave away of his being a girl! Though there was nothing strange to men grown their hair but usually it only at shoulder length not until his waist! And his pretty face didn't help either.

She was too busy gapped at him that she didn't realize he had walked up to her, so close that her hand that pointed at him bent at his flat chest. Too surprised at their proximity, she only stared him as a sign of temporary brain dead. Then he boldly lowered her hoodie with his right hand while the other caressed her blonde hair. He was easily towered her as a men and how intense his verdant eyes gazed at her only sent her go jelly. _The hell!_ She mentally panicked though she remained motionless.

"You have glorious color to your hair, you should let it grow longer," he advised nonchalantly.

"Not in billion years!" for the first time she shrieked like a girl and butt-headed him out of panic.

"Shit! You broke my nose?!" he screeched with strange voice. She might be really did break it since his voice came out in nasal tone and there was dripping blood out of his nose. Now she felt little guilty for overacted when all he did was praised her unkempt hair.

"Th-that's for harassing me!" she justified nervously.

"Ha-harassing you?" he snapped skeptically, "Are you mad!"

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***….***

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TUK TUK TUK

The typical morning he usually had started with mechanical birds outside pecking his window and artificial light of the sun that pass through his flimsy curtain. Very peaceful though they only a replica of the ideal morning in earth. But the truth was far from those, the colonies merely covered the harsh truth for a dreamer on space so they wouldn't feel desolated in dark, cold and silent vast space that resembled a groundless black hole.

In earth however there wouldn't be any bird that bothered to wake you up, if you lived on big city it was usually a load honking of cars or screaming match of your neighbors. If you lived in rural place, it was a rooster clucking or roaring of tractor from nearby farm. But if you lived in tiny compartment at suburb town then it was the sound of someone cooking at the kitchen few feet away from your _futon_ that laid on the floor where you were sleeping. It was not that bad, on the contrary, he found it reassuringly peaceful. He smiled unconsciously in his half-sleep state.

But suddenly a hard kick on his left shoulder jerked him wake in startled state.

"Damnit! Is that your way to wake up your guest?!" he asked groggily.

"You're no guest," She rolled her eyes, "you're FREE LOADER!" she emphasized mockingly then quickly went back to her pan and pot on the stove.

He yawned feeling ignorant to her obvious insult. After all he knew behind her rudeness and violent deed, she was actually compassionate. If not she wouldn't bring him to her home, tended his wounds and even offered shelter for him, albeit temporary. Heck, she was even cooking for him now. He chuckled.

"What are you laughing at?" she asked but didn't turn around. She was pouring some soup in the bowl.

"Nothing, what are you cooking?" he lied and stirred to other else. She would hit him if he implied something close to insult and it was still mystery to him what's categorized as insult in her book. Because just the other night he praised her messy hair, he got a broken nose.

"Just _miso_ soup, _tofu_ and roll egg," she replied shortly without turning back. "Ohh, and tidy up your _futon_ , placed it back to the sideboard and set the table."

"Yes, ma'am," he mumbled and hurriedly rolled the _futon_ into ball then thrown it to the sideboard as swiftly as he set the mini table at the middle they once slept. No, not slept as in slept together in one bed cuddled up. She would only kick him at his crucial part to even thinking that. It was two _futon_ laid side to side. Even if there was no barrier she made it clear to never crossed his boundaries with her kicks in her sleep.

His daily breakfast that consist scrambled eggs, bacons, sausages and breads replaced with plain foods he rarely tasted or might be never. He timidly looked over deep-brown soup with some stuffs floating on the surface, although the smell seemed good he was still hesitant. Then he picked the rounded golden- _tofu_ , it tasted a little salty but quite good when he ate it with his rice. So he ate it all in one time with the soup, _tofu_ and eggs, it wasn't so bad at all.

Immersed with new taste or he was just really starving, he missed her incredulous look she threw at him.

"You should go today, I see you have some shiny card you could use," she watched him carefully while chewed her _tofu_.

"Yur snuping my blonging!" there was some rice and other stuff came out of his full mouth while he spoke incoherently. It was too out of character of him but with her somehow he didn't need to put up a formality or even good manner. In short he never felt so liberated like now.

She handed him a glass of water which he drank animatedly, "I call it _checking_ , I should ensure my own safety first! Who know you're some psycho on the loose," she defended that only he replied in rolling his eyes. "Anyway you could use your pretty card to move your lazy ass out of my humble abode to nearest motels or get back to wherever you come from."

There were some gaps before he answered. "Actually it's blocked," he glanced at her and noticed one of her brow twitched before hastily added, "I don't have any money right now, all the money I had already robbed," with dejected face put on.

"So you want to tell me that you have no way to get out of here instantly?" she sneered. "This shit becoming some drama scripted crap," she murmured, "Do you want a job? I have perfect job for you."

From her smirk, he knew that the job isn't the kind of job he could enjoy. She might be plotting something evil like enslaved him into something he didn't want to do. He really should tell her full excuse to get her sympathy like he was businessman that went bankrupt and now homeless? But it seemed far too late now, he might as well stick to the slight hope that she was not that evil. _No harm done for getting some temporary job while I'm here,_ he thought positively and swallowed some lump that stuck in his esophagus, it was the _tofu_.

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***…***

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"There's no way I would wear that ridiculous outfit! And why I'm the only one wearing that?"

"Because you're the only servant here. Isn't it expected for servant wearing this kind of outfit? Not to mention your figure matched perfectly," she argued more.

He felt his veins in his head throbbed. It was like that since they arrived to the restaurant she worked at and introduced him as a new servant there. Everything was going well until she took off his cap and exposed his long hair. Mana, the cook had been gushed around how pretty he was and excited to show him an outfit she made herself. Cutting the long story, everyone agreed to make him wore that to attract more customers. And who proposed the damned idea? Of course, it was his heroine roommate. He had expected this to happen, hadn't he? But the dare devil he lived with was as stubborn as mule, something he missed. It should be clear since he had experienced firsthand how hard her head was. _I have a figure as a model, not some lowly servant_! He snapped mentally.

"How could I'm the only servant here? How are you served the customers if there's no servant?"

"Well, sometimes we do two roles at once. But since we have official servant now, it could only proper you're also wearing servant outfit!" she beamed mischievously.

"I'm here for work, not cross-dressing! Can't you make male servant's outfit instead?" he asked the plumpy woman.

"Don't be so picky! We have tight budget!" the blonde retorted again.

"Fine, I'm going to search another job instead!" he ended the fruitless argument but not submitted himself. After all he was here to regain his male ego anyway so cross-dressing was out of window. Beside he doubted that they would pay him sufficiently with that tight budget his roommate blabbed out. He was sure searching a job wouldn't be that hard, not if you had more than enough degree at your disposal. He smirked inwardly, he was going to prove her that he could get better job.

He spent his day hunting a job around the town but no one seemed had any interest to employ someone with high education. It might be because most of the work he applied only needed an average educational degree or even didn't need it all since it was only as petty work such as servant, delivery boy, farmer or tourist guide but what he knew about Lodonia was very minimum, he was even the tourist itself if he wasn't robbed the other night. Moreover when he almost got the job they would always ask prying question like 'Are you gay?'. Did it strange for men to have long hair and still straight? That mere question had ticked him off that he blown up his own chance for job.

His first day effort came to naught along with his entry endeavor of the whole week, it was hopeless. He was too picky just like what his roommate exclaimed but at the same time he needed to be careful so the media didn't catch a whiff of him here. Ran away where almost people recognized you were difficult but not impossible since he was lucky enough to be stranded in a place that no one known him. Although it was no different with the world he once in, people still judged him as gay. It might be because of his hair but somehow he was still hesitant to let it all go. _Who would trade their prosperity with poverty?_ He thought dryly. But it wasn't matter of money actually it was because he owed someone and that someone asked too much, out of his capacity.

So in really early morning, he had found out that she worked not only as cook at Sahib' Dine but also as milk delivery in the morning so she always woke up before the sun even wake, he admitted his defeat to her even if he still begged her not to make him wore that dreaded outfit. His pride was scattered on the floor before her. But seriously a beggar couldn't be chooser, right?

"Be careful with the eggs, okay," Ahmed, the tan guy with untouched-gravity-law brown hair commanded. He somewhat reminded him to someone he knew with the same hair style. But he banished the thought, not wanting to feel nostalgic during his first working.

Yeah, he got the job finally and not as a cross-dressing servant thankfully. Because there was someone else that had applied for the servant job although that guy never went through hard bargain like what he had before. It wasn't fair on his part even if he understood their reason to not offer ridiculous idea to him. The name was Jona Roma Seiran, a son of supplier Sahib' Dine and he was practically an exhibitionist with overconfidence bar reached above the limit. So most probably if they spilled their idea, he would gladly accept it thinking he was the prettiest guy in galactic universe that only led the down fall to the restaurant. Because let's face the fact, he was like a failed product of androgynous breed.

So since the job being servant had taken up, now he only got the job as delivery food or picked the supply from supplier, kinda like Ahmed's assistant since he had stationed in that job longer. But it was better than nothing and they didn't bother him with his sexuality though he bet they were wondering about it. But what could he do? It was people instinct to judge a foreigner like him.

"So what do you think of Cagalli?" Ahmed asked out of tangent and picked a box of salmons.

He just raised a brow to his bizarre question. What did he mean by his question? Was that a trap question? Like if he responded with a lack of interest in his tone, Ahmed might be thought he was positively gay. But if he lied… he cringed at the thought, not that his roommate wasn't attractive at all but a loud-mad girl like her wasn't his type. Even if he acknowledged half-heartedly that she had inner beauty. _Just a little_ , he mentally inserted. His mind was too preoccupied with his thought that he remained silent and picked another box of tomatoes automatically.

"You're living with her temporary, right? So I guessed you know her better by now since you spent most your time with her and all," he trailed off a bit but quickly added, "don't take this question wrongly, I don't try imply anything in there, just want to know your opinion," he hurriedly blurted out.

"Violent," he replied without thinking since it was an obvious trait of her and he was always the recipient end of her brute strength.

"Only that?" He laughed at his predicted and short reply. His laugh still rang out in his mind even if Ahmed already got in the building through the backdoor. It was as if mocking his denseness. He frowned and followed him in only to be out again to carry the rest of supplies in that still on their pick-up truck.

"She's special you know," he looked at him with soft eyes and serene smile. Now he got the idea what his question meant before, it was something _very_ personal. "She's like caviar, hard on the outside but incredibly soft inside…or crab instead," he ended his speech in vague way.

"Caviar? Crab?" he muttered bemusedly, "He compared her with some food?"

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***…***

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It was already few weeks, almost a month he lived with his roommate and worked at the same place as her. And it was those days where his roommate usually sent him to grocery shopping since with him some items if not all could be bought in half price and he wasn't even bothered to bargain it first. All he did was enduring a throng of open flirting that thrown at him with occasional feedback if he felt like it. Blessed with striking look sure had some knack, he snickered slyly recalled his first experience went to the market with her fighting some vendors like her life depended on it, just to get acceptable price for her budget. It was actually fun, watching her so riled up over something he classified as petty. Before he only knew that his life only appeared lively when he got wasted on some party that he threw or someone else's. But now even in the middle of stinky market he found a way to be felt alive. A life, in where you were struggling to keep and gain something, not wasting and get nothing.

Such as trivial and daily occurrence, he never really looked at but somehow when he got here and met her. He could appreciate a simple gesture of kindness without being suspicious and be happy over little things like got some stuffs to eat for free, he was sure his roommate would be thrilled to see him brought back more stuffs than her order, her money she gave to him surely couldn't buy this much.

"Athrunnn~ ,"

 _And that,_ he thought dryly. He was still on the way to the stairs where he suddenly ambushed with his daily annoyance. She wasn't that bad actually and quite beauty with her long black hair, ash-grey eyes and melodious voice. _But!_ He stressed. She was so eerily similar with famous pop singer he knew from where he came and that's disturbing. Like daily reminder for the life he had thrown wasn't enough, she just couldn't keep her hand to herself, always so touchy. He got enough of her when he conceded to help her fix her cell phone the other day.

He suppressed an irritate sigh and swapped it with forced smile for etiquette's sake. "Good afternoon, _Mrs._ Campbell," stressed her title more so she would remember that Mr. Campbell still alive somewhere in the town.

"Awww, athruunn~ I already told you to call me Meer! I'm no one missus but that's a matter of time I guess," she said suggestively.

Yeah, she was a widower, divorced her husband even before one year marriage and still managed to get a building where he and his roommate rented to be her sole income. Where did he know all that? Well, she was the talk among woman that lived here and he was just passing by while they gossiped in front of their compartments.

He recoiled a little when she began latched herself to him, "Okay, Meer. I need to get back, Cagalli is waiting."

She pouted at his excuse, it wasn't secret she despised the blonde and it might be had something to do with him. "Athruunn~, I need your help to change the bulb in my bedroom, could you?" she batted her eyelashes to him and that was bad sign.

"KYYYAAAA!"

He just opened his mouth to refuse her when a girlish scream rang through from one of compartments and recognized it as his roommate shriek when she panicked. Without further ado he hastily climbed the stairs three steps at once and wasn't bothered the call from Meer. Because Cagalli rarely let out girlish scream like that if she wasn't cornered with no way out and that alone more urgent than the dim bulb that probably Meer purposely put there to get his attention.

"Cagalli!" he called as soon as he opened the door and got in to see her back facing him beside the kitchen. There was a paper in her hands when he got closer.

"I'm going to shave your head!" she grunted through her gritted teeth.

"What?"

He didn't have a chance to react more than that when suddenly she faced him with a scissor in hand and jumped on him to get rid his cap and reached his precious hair. _Darn her! Why she always targeted my hair?_

"Hey, wait!" he gripped her hand that hold the scissor to prevent it harmed his precious hair, dropping the groceries he bought in the process.

"Damn it Cagalli! What's wrong with you!" he continued struggling to get her off him because apparently she had latched herself to him by his hip when she jumped at him. Their vigorous effort to accomplish their goals sent both of them sprawling on the floor with Cagalli still tried to pull out his hair with her bare hands since he had managed to throw the evil scissor out of her reach.

"It's your hair!" she cried out in rage, too incoherent for him to understand.

"Just let it go already!" he was hovering above her and tried his damnest to stop her hand for pulling his hair out but only helped her to pull few strands out of his head. Too frustrated to find out he had lost few strands of his beloved hair, he daringly did what he thought would make her paralyzed for a moment. So he kissed her, the position they were in clearly recommended him to do just that.

And the zap took immediate effect, her eyes went wide, the grips went limp and it seemed she also stopped to breathe as well even thought her heart beating madly against his chest that pressed hers. From their closeness he could see more clearly her brown eyes that reflected the earth soil. It was nothing fancy and common color but somehow it looked there was much more there that attracted him to reach out. So unconsciously he deepened the kiss and slowly clasped her hands in his so she would let go his hair while she remained static.

"You know, if you two wanted to make out, the least you could do is not left the door wide open."

The sound advice from the newcomer brought back the ground to them. Athrun quickly turned his head to the newcomer that none other than Ahmed. Too startled to even blink, he continued stared at him when the word failed to out.

"Ahmed!" she yelped and hastily pushed him off her, her brain was too slow to processed what had happened in span of few minutes in her life.

"I'm here to drop some cheese cakes from Kisaka for you," he replied flatly and raised a plastic bag that contained a box of cake.

"It's not like what you're thinking!" she defended and ignored the cake he offered.

He just shrugged it off and quickly excused himself. _Certainly he was jealous_ , Athrun thought silently.

"Wait, Ahmed!"

She ran after him like a heroine ran after his lover in some cheap drama, he snorted indignantly. She should apologize to him first rather than chased an intruder for forgiveness. After all he was the total victim here, she had managed to mess up his hair and pulled out some of them too. Slumped against the kitchen's cupboard feeling abandoned like the groceries he had dropped, his eyes caught the paper she hold before engaged him in the battle. He gave a quick read, it seemed like water bill and…

"Oh," an understanding dawned on him. It was the water bill, alright, and the cost was so ridiculously high though for him it was nothing, but for her who lived in modest life it was surely a big deal then added to her manner that tended to act on impulse. It was understandable why she wished to shave his head.

"Go figure I'm just not cut with this kind of life," he whispered softly and a small sad smile played on his lips.

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***…***

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A few photos of man with a black cap spread on the table. Each photo took out from different angles at different events, one of them with him focused his attention to the cell phone on his hand rather than to the black haired woman before him. A man with long black hair sipped his whiskey calmly while watched the photos intently. His smile bloomed against the rim of his glass as if to hide his joy from prying eyes that seated before him.

"Gilbert," an alto voice came out softly through thin lips of long-haired blonde girl before him.

"Yes, you've found him, good job," he praised her and offered a small proud smile to her. "Now we could send some people to fetch him, I'm sure there's something happened that delayed his return."

"About that, could I'm the one who went to get him?" she suggested in even tone though her clear blue eyes were more like begging him.

"Very well then, you may go. I will arrange your departure," he said gruffly, seem displeased but do nothing when it was her wish since for him both of them was a treasure moreover when he was the one who raised them since they were only kids.

"Thank you and good night, Gilbert," the girl got up from her seat and bowed to him before excused out of the room.

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***…END OF PART I…***

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AN :

The final installment would be up next week since I supposedly uploaded this in Valentine… so stay tune XD And thanks for reading this and to those who left me a review, that's mean a lot to keep me going :)

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	2. Chapter 2

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…

 **.**

 **Warning!**

 **This is an AU FanFiction, may contain OOC-ness, typos, grammatical errors and be careful with unacceptable topic.**

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 **Dedicated for echi zala**

 **.**

 **Ambivalent**

 **By Ashelia Elnora**

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For a few days since she went berserk, she had observed how her roommate's behavior began to change. Not that it was bad thing, quite opposite of that actually. Now he wouldn't just roll in the futon to the sideboard but folded it up neatly, not wasting more time than enough inside the bathroom and the scariest thing was he made effort to be polite to her. It wasn't like he was as crude as her, he was actually polite man and had good manner too but that was for the other people but her. She supposed he was still holding grudge against her for fractured his nose the first time they met but really it wasn't her fault if he didn't know the decent distant between man and woman. Like the other days when he suddenly dismissed all the gaps between them and did something that she never imagined could happen so soon in her life.

A dash of red decorated her cheeks when she recalled the indecent incident that took place just three days ago. It was kinda good though, she admitted that much he was an expert in that area while she was a green noob.

Now that wasn't the topic here, she was actually quite concerned with his drastic change in attitude because it was seemed like a cold treatment from him. Was he that mad to her for pulling few his locks out? Oh well, that understandable knowing him treasured his hairs like gold threads. But she had apologized as soon as she was done explained to Ahmed. Ahmed was her best friend so she owed him an explanation first. While for Athrun, she supposed she was always vented her anger on him since he lived with her. They was always bickering over the smallest thing like what food she should make, lamp that should stay on while he slept or her complain about how long he occupied her bathroom. Bantered back and forth, she wasn't realized that he took all her solitude and made her more alive in these past weeks.

Somehow she missed their daily squabble, what he was now just too stiff like there was something stuck on his ass. _Darn him!_ She grumbled during her daily cleaning kitchen station before went home.

"Hey Cagalli! Wanna go to festival tonight?" Ahmed asked out of blue from the kitchen backdoor while Mana snickered quietly at the other side of her and she wasn't sure what Mana laughed at, it was a common thing Ahmed asked her out and there was no hidden meaning in it.

"Festival? You want to go to the Valentine Festival, my honey?" the purple head abruptly peaked in through the kitchen passage. "If that your wish, let this lowly knight escort you princess," Jona fancily blabbed out while waltzed his way into kitchen.

"I'm the one who asked her first! Go pick someone else!" Ahmed butted in.

"What do you mean! My honey is my princess, you have no right to ask her!" Jona replied as revolted as him.

"That's absurd just like your head!"

"How dare you insult my beautiful hair, you… you gel manic!"

Cagalli raised her brow for familiar feedback and where did that usually came from? Oh yeah, her roommate. Surprisingly he and this Jona here had the same priority. She snickered subtly when the sudden brilliant idea landed on her mind.

Pushing both of them apart, "we could go there together, the more the merrier right!" she said obstinately so no one went complaining. "And where's Athrun? He should join in too," she asked for his lack of presence when usually he helped her with kitchen duty so that they could go home faster.

Then unexpectedly Mana's laugh boomed in the kitchen startling three other occupants. One looked sheepish for unknown reason, the other just shrugged it off as if nothing and the last one looked guilty for not considering invited her as well. "Mana, you could join in too," Cagalli asked timidly.

"Nah dear, I'm too old for that kind of thing but thank you for the offer," Mana refused cheerfully and with that she moved to the other room.

"Oh well, it's only the four of us then," Cagalli said, breaking the sudden awkward silence.

"I don't know about Athrun though, he already left awhile ago," Ahmed added.

"What!"

That's how she went home briskly, alone for the first time after few weeks walked home along side with him. She was irritated that he left her without telling her first, not that it was important but they lived together so the least he could do was telling her that he went ahead. Did he purposely do that to avoid her? She supposed it clicked well with his aloofness lately. He surely hadn't forgiven her for their last argument. _Damn him!_ She cursed and vowed to give a long lecture about the bad luck of holding grudge for so long and the goodness of forget and forgive.

"Athrun!" she called as soon as she opened the door of compartment expected him to be there. True to his expectation he was there with a cup of noodle on his hands. The nerve in her head prodded, he wasn't even waited her to eat! And it wasn't like as if they promised to each other but she thought he didn't like instant food.

"Hey," his short, quick and dismissed kind of reply riled her up like no other. So she paced hastily to where he sat and glared down at him with her feet tapping restlessly crossed arms on her chest, a stance that sought out an explanation.

"What?" another short reply. She wasn't going to let him go that easily, he needed to know that she had enough of his cold shoulder. If he was thinking that eventually everything would fall into the right place with his impassiveness then she would slap him into sense that nothing came if there was no effort.

"What's wrong with you?" rather than it came out in harsh and loud voice that reflected her rage, it was actually came in low and disappointed tone. She supposed it might be what she truly felt, for her action never betrayed what she felt.

They stared at each other for few seconds before he gave away and faced another direction instead. She knelt down beside him and swiped the cup noodle in his hands that left few noodles dangling out of his mouth. While he stared back at her in surprise and might be with slight anger there.

"You don't like this, do you?" she raised the cup in her hand but he just avoided her eyes again and slurped the rest of noodles that dangled out of his mouth. Got no answer she slammed down the cup on the table in front of them that made him flinched and mumbled something like "beggar don't have choice".

She was baffled for a moment before a quick understanding pouring in her that he was undergone financial crisis just like any ordinary people. But she guessed it was more like homesickness since he might be raised in wealthy family, look at his shiny cards they were prove enough. She had suspected since their first met that he was no ordinary people, he might be pretended to be like a failure businessman or some spoiled kid on the run but she knew through hesitance he showed at some occasions, he seemed like wanted to hide, wasn't that why he used his cap all the time? Though it might probably he didn't want to be mistaken as a girl or worse as a gay. But then he always had option to cut it, unless he had other reason to keep it that way. He even didn't tell much about himself too aside that he came from another country. But that his story to tell and if he didn't want to share it, who was she demanded him to? But distancing himself also wasn't a right answer.

"Then don't be a beggar!" she said stubbornly while positioned herself leaned against the sideboard like himself, now they were side to side with shoulders barely touching. She caught a little snort came from him but chose to ignore it. "If one work wasn't enough then try two. I'm myself also have two jobs and when the valentine celebration ended and the restaurant lost most of its customers, I might as well get one more job," she pause and looked at him that still avoided her stare, "life is hard, it's a long-life fight and might as well be forever but I can't give up, not that I would lose something if I did but isn't that the scariest thing? A thought that you have nothing to lose."

"I'm sorry," he said softly, "I've burdened you. I'm just…," he messed up his own hair with his right hand, a sign of distress, she noted, "I think I need to go back to wherever I come from just like you said."

She sighed and tightened her posture so she sat cross-legged facing his side. "You want to give up just like that? Or you comeback to face the problem you ran off?" she glared at him, daring him to say something stupid like 'it's the right thing to do'. When she knew what's right and wrong still blur on his mind, he just wanted to run away from one obstacle to another obstacle. He just wanted to go back to his old seal.

"What?!" he gave her surprised look but swiftly turned into suspicious one, "you knew?"

"I knew since we met you're no ordinary people," she said as firmly as before because it seemed he interpreted it differently, but she let him, it might be her chance to know what he ran off from. "I know you come here to hide."

"I…," he mumbled hesitantly, his eyes looked at hers even if only few second until he took a breath like gathering courage to confess and solemnly closed his eyes. "The man, who took me in since I became orphan when I was twelfth, persuades me to do transgender."

She seriously did a tough effort to make her jaw stayed locked on its place, she even bit her lower lip to prevent her said something unnecessary. It was so bizarre to put into her simple minded but Ahmed always said she was the most bizarre girl he ever met. She wasn't sure if that title still applied to her for she had found one in million chances that could happen in somebody's life. Was it related to his true job? But what kind of job that required him to do transgender? Did he want to be Miss Universe? Her idea was getting weirder and weirder.

But actually it was more made sense than he had some genetic error or hormone mishap that impossible to happen for Coordinator. The scientist out there should've known and did something about it before he was born, it would be bad for their ads of 'perfect child' if they just neglected one child in glitch. She just wasn't sure why the man who adopted him would ask something like that?

"That man is one of famous inner-galactic designers and I'm also work for him as a model, an asexual model," he paused only to open his tired eyes, "I'm not only modeled as a men but also as women, changing personality like changing my wardrobes, until I lost myself."

Her heart suddenly felt heavy, partly for the guilty that she had judged him badly and mostly for watching him so beaten right now. He wasn't here for hide but to rediscover himself, to be who he wanted to be. She kept her silence, let him to pour out his doubt.

"I owe him my life but… he asked too much, I just couldn't," his voice faltered at the end, his eyes shadowed with his long fringes which served like curtain to hide himself.

"But you want to go back, right? Even if you stay here you still have doubt about what you wanted to do or who you are. That's why you treasured your hair because it's your way to come back."

"Even if I got back there, I would never be someone I wanted to be!" he replied hastily and raised his voice like he wanted to scream, pressured under obligation and selfish wish. But was it selfish to stay who you truly are? "I'm at lost Cagalli, I don't know what to do. I don't want to comeback but I owe him that much, he took me in when I abandoned, I don't want to abandon him."

"Then don't abandon him," she replied shortly. "Don't hide, don't run, that wouldn't fix your problem either. Tell him what you want, let him to see the real you. You can't hide behind his shadow forever. Doing what he told you to do that would only break you apart. Regret will always come last so don't make one. Take a risk for once, can you?" she said firmly, if he needed a sturdy anchor then she could become one since she seriously didn't know how to comfort someone with sweet persuasive kind of talk.

He turned facing her and his eyes sought to hers no longer hiding behind his tresses. "What if he couldn't understand? What if the real me isn't enough? When I don't even know who I am."

"You're Athrun Zala, aren't you?" she offered him small smile like he had asked a silly question while he remained perplexed. "You see, Athrun, there's no measurement of who you are. You can be whatever you want to be and yet you didn't want to be someone your adopted father dictated you to be. That said enough of who you are."

He locked her eyes and she knew he was searching something resembled doubt in her so she wouldn't give any of it. She trusted him even if she just knew a little of him, she was actually giving him a chance to trust himself more by giving her trust.

"If it's about your debt to your adopted father then you can always repay him once you've became your own man, just show him you can. I'm sure he would be proud of you," she gave him reassurance smile and a slight punch to his side so he could be less tensed.

"Actually I never call him father, he said it makes him look old so he allows us to call his name instead like a brother or friend, a close friend," he smiled softly with far-away look at her and suddenly it made her felt awkward.

"Oh o-okay, if that's the case then I'm sure he would understand, just try it."

"Okay."

Now she was becoming really uncomfortable his eyes still gazed on hers with such deepness she couldn't take but she wouldn't dare to let it go, in case he still doubted himself. But she suddenly remembered her brilliant idea awhile ago, "Oh yeah, do you want to go to valentine festival?"

"Valentine festival? But it's March, isn't it?"

"Yeah, but since fourteenth February is a mourning day of Bloody Valentine War, we decide to held the valentine day at fourteenth March, a day that supposed to be a white day," she explained. "There're many things there and it can be fun if you join in, Ahmed and Jona are there too," she added excitedly since the festival was more like a spring festival in eastern country rather than couple's day.

He involuntarily glared at her when he heard both names and that made her smile faltered a bit, "But if you don't want to, that's fine. I'll bring some souvenirs for you."

He shook his head and smiled at her, "I'll come since it's your treat."

"Wait, what did you mean my treat?"

"You said you'll buy some souvenirs for me," he reprimanded, "Beside I don't have much money now so it's your treat."

"What a gentleman," she grumbled while headed to her compartment's door with him trailed behind her.

"You're no lady so I don't have to worry about that," he bit back cheekily.

"Darn you!"

" _You're Cagalli,"_ he added silently with unconscious smile graced his lips _._

.

***…***

.

"Yeah, you can take that too. That are the fresher and better than the rest, I choose it all in my own!" a balding man said proudly and seemed incredibly in good mood today than yesterday.

"Ah thank you, Mr. Seiran, it's the payment I hope you don't raise the price for this," Ahmed said nervously, afraid that he suddenly raised the price because of the better quality they offered. The money Sahib gave to him wouldn't enough if he did, since Sahib's Dine was only ordinary family restaurant so getting first quality on supplies was never priority and only settled on good-enough quality. So the sudden offer like this was quite alarming.

"Nah, it's okay. Take this as a thanks for taking care Jona, he seems happier yesterday," his laughed roared through vast land around them, startling some farmer that harvested the crops.

Athrun snorted faintly, of course yesterday he was happy since he spent his night with his self-proclaimed-other-half though the two weren't alone, there were two guys glared dagger behind his back while he stayed in his ignorant bliss. But watching his father so happy because of his son's happiness, somehow made him contemplated if the man who adopted him also would be happy that he had found his own path. Or he would look at him in disapproving look like his blood-father usually was. Surprisingly he felt envious of Jona, his father really pampered him that made it no wonder he could be so pompous. But despite that they were good people with slight unbearable character.

They got onto the road when they had completed loaded the supplies inside the truck, passing row of rows crops that lined up both sides, made it like they were at the middle of nowhere with the same scenery as long as the eyes could see. So different with the colonies he came from, that only contained rows of building that painted and modeled charmingly but somehow never brought a sense of a beautiful peaceful bliss like this.

"You know, Sahib has said that you and Jona bring lucky to his business. I guess he's right, look at what we get! I'm sure Mana would be thrilled," Ahmed opened up and threw him a smile.

"I suppose though I'm not sure if I'm bring anything, I only did what I did," he replied confused.

Ahmed replied with a laugh, "You haven't realized that there are hordes of girl come to the restaurant daily just to catch a glimpse of you or the raise in delivery order? Thanks for Meer to that."

"Meer? What's she got to do about that?"

"Well, Meer has a blog that's quite famous around here if not more. And well, she sort of put your pictures there and involuntarily served as ads for the restaurant," he elaborated.

"Damn her," he cursed inaudibly, he never thought she would get that fanatic although it was brought good for his work place, he got the feeling that it was the other way around on his part.

"Wait here, I just need to buy something." Ahmed pulled down in front of mart at the town and Athrun wasn't realized that they were out of the farm lands already. He looked around him, identified it as few blocks away from the restaurant. When his sight landed to medium-sized house with quite big garage but it was abandoned.

A loud bump made him averted his attention back to Ahmed, a pack of cigarettes on hand. "What's that building over there? There is no 'sold' sign."

"There is but I guess the wild bushes hide it, it was an abandoned orphanage," he shrugged it off.

"Orphanage? How are the children then?"

"They've grown up and can take care themselves when the orphanage closed."

"Oh." Somewhat it brought back memories about the orphanage he was in though it wasn't shabby looking like that abandoned house. He was quite fortunate placed in accommodated orphanage. Some orphanages just weren't that lucky.

When they got back to the restaurant, Cagalli seemed had waiting them. She approached them when Ahmed stopped the truck at the back restaurant.

"Hey Cagalli! Look what we got! The best quality supplies!" Ahmed announced happily.

"Oh o-okay, I would help you unload them. And Athrun there's someone waiting you in the restaurant," she seemed ignored Ahmed and looked at him curiously.

"Me? Who?" he really got bad feeling about this.

"She didn't say her name just ask about you," she shrugged. "Come Ahmed, we need to unload this. Mana needs few tomatoes and chilies."

.

***…***

.

They ate in silent that night when usually she always had something to banter about. She had actually but she wasn't sure how to bring it up and it seemed that the guy before her in no mood to joke around. So she willed herself to keep quiet although it was against her nature.

To occupy her mind she was thinking back to the blonde girl that came as his guest that noon. She seemed came from rich family with her soft-spoken attitude and well dressed. Many heads turned at her but she regarded it nonchalantly like it was a habit and when Athrun sat with her, they seemed made a perfect balanced masterpiece, a brilliantly fair shine of hers against enigmatically dark sensuality of his. It was no wonder they knew each other, for all she knew the girl purposely came here to pick him up. It seemed fitted well with him that wanted to go back, maybe he called her? Who knew but she never thought it would be this soon. She just thought that he would be stayed here a little longer until he gathered enough money to return but it wasn't seemed going that way. With him gone, she surely would get lonely a little since she had used to his presence and maybe… just maybe he managed to fill the blank spot somewhere in her heart. And she wasn't trying implied anything by that, no, absolutely not.

She shook her head without thinking while eating her curry slowly.

"Cagalli!" he called with a wave of his hand in front of her.

"O-oh wh-what?" she stuttered.

"What are you thinking? I called you numerous times but you just mumbled something incoherent."

 _Damn, did I say something? Did he hear it?_ She thought panicky. "U-uh nothing important," she laughed sheepishly, "Why are you calling me?"

He raised an eyebrow that said didn't believe her excuse but not probed her on that. He then looked at her seriously, "I will back to Plants tomorrow."

 _Oh Plants, so he came from Plants. It suited him, a prince in glass house,_ she mused absentmindedly.

"Cagalli," he called again.

"U-uh yeah, of course. Just talk to him, I'm sure he would understand," she said encouraged and gave him her usual smile to reassure him. Although her mind wandered in another thought, _so he was really going, huh_.

He smiled in return and nodded surely, they spent their last night together in quiet silence.

.

***…***

.

"Ah, you're here already. Welcome home, Alex." A man with wavy black hair that reached his back greeted him as soon as he got inside his workroom. "I'm sorry I can't join you and Rea for dinner. I'm quite busy these days, Fashion Week's coming up and you know that too right?"

"Yes," he replied curtly.

He threw a smile at him as if asking him to loosen up a little, "How about playing chess? It has been a long time since we played it." Then both of them walked to where the chessboard always set up on the table.

For someone who didn't know him enough, might be thinking that the pretty chessboard that placed at the corner of his room only served as a part of decoration since the pieces itself were quite a fortune and that no one ever saw him played it before except his closed ones. It was one of his hobbies actually, that's why he wasn't hesitant to order a crystalline set of chess that craved with careful detail.

Athrun marveled how the set still glittering beautifully even after these years. He reached to the white side of the board while the black haired man took the black one like he always did, he once said that white just wasn't his color. Without being urged more, Athrun started the game with moved his pawn two steps ahead and he followed suit with the same tact.

Time passed and they both had collected the same amount of pieces from both sides although the value of each pieces ranged differently. Athrun wasn't entirely paid the game full attention, half of his mind preoccupied with how he talked to him about his decision he had made. Although that only mattered a little to him, even if he disapproved it, he wasn't going back down that easily and proved him that he could stand on his own legs. While the other part of him still hoped he would understand and accept it like he had welcomed him into his home. But first he thought he should apologize to him for his irresponsible behavior.

"Gilbert," he said seriously after moved his bishop to take his opponent's castle which earned him an amused smile.

"I know what you want to talk about, you've decided, haven't you? That's why you supported new hair style," his eyes glinted knowingly while moving his knight to eat Athrun's bishop.

"I'm sorry," he said regretfully, his eyes downcast, "I don't think I can be someone else other than who I'm now," he said slowly leveling his stare to match the man before him, seeking an understanding.

The game stopped for awhile since Athrun didn't do his turn and that left him to stare back at Athrun. He began to ponder what Gilbert was thinking behind the vacant look he placed on his eyes, he could never guess. Even if Gilbert wasn't someone who used violence in clear action but he could make his delicate stroke so threatening. A talented manipulator that could sway people move as he wished like puppet master, Athrun wondered if he also caught in his bind all this time. _He could be a brilliant politician if he wanted to,_ he mused further.

Gilbert gave off an easy smile, very much identical to the first one he gave to him to loosen up. "Let's say if you can beat me in this game, you may do as you wish. That will make this game more interesting, yes?"

He was bewildered for a second, not believing it was that easy but still nodded nonetheless. Gilbert would never took back what he had said no matter how manipulated he sometimes. So he chose to trust him just like all these years.

They were at the middle of the game where most half of their peons had already taken out so he began assessing his remained peons on board. He uprooted his queen from her nest and moved her on open field near Gilbert's knight but couldn't take it until his next turn. Like any other he always used the queen as a main attack but at the same time unwilling to sacrifice her, it all got something to do with her flexible move.

Gilbert placed his knight in front his king instead while Athrun used his chance to move forward his pawn and had a thought to revive his castle. The battle got intense, both of them lost their skilled peons. Athrun got no more knights while Gilbert lost his queen, he wasn't sure if he got upper-hand by that since Gilbert's knight had checked his king few times. If it wasn't for his queen he would be a dead meat now, surpassing your own teacher was a tough job.

Near the end of their game Athrun saw an opening, he could use his queen to checkmate him while his bishop served as blockade for his king move. But the problematic one was Gilbert's knight, it could take out his queen to stop it. But if he could somehow distracted Gilbert with his pawn that was going to be a castle for one more turn then he could make it. Even though he knew Gilbert wasn't that stupid, he guessed he should let this one chance gone. But he would make sure to take out that annoying knight off the board right after he gained his castle.

But unexpectedly he did what Athrun never expected him to do, he moved his knight to take out the pawn and that left his queen to checkmate him. He looked at him in baffled expression like he couldn't believe his eyes that Gilbert just gave him the chance. What he got from him was a small smile that said him to go ahead but he just continued to stare him.

"I had lost from you the moment you took my queen, Athrun," he said it so softly so naturally like it was the truth. But Athrun knew he was lying, he saw it for unknown reason he chose to relent.

"Checkmate," he said flatly but somehow that didn't bring satisfaction in him knowing that his opponent took pity on him.

He nodded calmly and glanced at digital clock beside the board, "it was already late I guess we should call it night."

Athrun hesitated if he really should leave like this, this wasn't like he anticipated it to be. So he stayed silent on where he stood.

Gracefully Gilbert rose up from his seat as well and patted his shoulder, "what you can do and what you wish to do, those are the things that nobody knows better than you," he paused and gazed at him almost like a father to his son, "I only did what I get to do to protect you."

"What?" he surprised.

"I don't want you or Rea live under stigma, Athrun. I know it gets nasty sometimes, I just wanted to put an end my mistake for involving you two in my mess."

.

***…***

.

An understanding came in every step he took to get outside his room. Gilbert was also going through the same thing as him before if not a lot more since he stood alone in shit-storm long before he took them in. And there was more than one reason as to why he adopted them aside to fill the gaping hole in his heart. He once loved one woman and still loves her although she gave herself to another man and now had her own little family. Losing an anchor really did change people while gained one, made one felt invincible. Gilbert had fallen to the former, he however, luckily his trip wasn't a vain one.

As soon as he stepped out of the room, a figure of young blonde woman came to his view. It seemed she had waited there for some times, perhaps expected something unexpected happened and yes, it did though not like what he or she anticipated it.

H swiftly closed the door quietly and sauntered to where she stood staring at him, "you haven't slept yet?" he smiled an ease smile to rest her worry.

She shook her head and looked at him with worry still etched on her eyes, "how is it goes?"

"It went well," he smiled assured her as futile as it seemed. "He understands and I'll be back next week after clean up some mess here."

She frowned seemed confused and angry at the same time, "back? What you meant by 'back'? Here is your home."

"Not anymore," he said wistfully, "I've told you right?"

She shook her head again seemed displeased that he was still going to leave for a tiny town with nothing in it, she would never understand him. For her, here was where she belong, beside Gilbert, to continue support him. "I'll take a look Gilbert," she said curtly.

He nodded even if she didn't look at him and already walked pass him. Watching her disappear through the door, the final understanding fell into him. The reason why Gilbert had gave him the chance and his reluctance to sacrifice his knight in their next round. It was the same thing why Rea had traded her Y for another variable, quite literally actually.

He gave off a last serene smile to them behind the door. Who we are was merely our own choosing, blaming someone else or circumstance would never grant us an understanding of what we're seeking.

.

***…***

.

It was more than two weeks already she's mopping like that. Even so it wasn't apparent through naked eyes but as childhood friend who raised at the same orphanage as her surely had its peak. He saw past her masked hollow exuberance, the light in her smile just didn't reach her eyes. It was like that since her free loader went home to where he belonged to. But unknown to her actually that foreigner called him sometimes ago, asking something that's quite odd. That's why her depressed air moved to him.

Why oh why, it wasn't him that made her felt that kind of feeling when he wasn't around. He was with her longer, he got a lot of chances but in reality it couldn't just decide on one-side effort. Both of them should be willing to give a chance to one another, if not it would only end up as one-sided love, very much like him. He got his chances, yes, but she never saw him past best friend or brother at least. He saw it as clear as day in her honey-colored eyes that reflected her honesty. But did he give up? No, not until yesterday. He knew she had found her missing piece now.

"Ahmed!" _that's the goddess call_ , he thought wordlessly. He would gladly answer her just like how Jona called her but if he called her that, her fist was the one that came to him. Jona was just special on his own way that she couldn't lay a hand on him.

"Sahib ordered you to take some crabs at Caldwell's booth. We're running short on that since Mana's new recipe on spicy crisp crab is quite popular," she explained while helping him unload the supplies he got from Seiran's farm. "I'm coming with you too," she said abruptly.

He looked baffled at her and about to open his mouth to refuse but she just cut in and insisted that he wasn't used to work alone again after that foreigner gone, hence resulted in his sluggish behavior. Ahmed really felt like slapped himself, she could be so dense that put a rock into shame.

He drove the truck on slow speed but still considered as standard speed for he had half-wished that the road before them would never end. Chatting with her during their way to fetch some supplies, he missed it. She was his occasional partner in normal days when the customer wasn't flooded the restaurant. He treasured that kind of moment more than she ever did. But at the mid trip Cagalli suddenly commanded him to stop, when he was too dazed walking in memories line.

"What?" Ahmed said dumbly while looked around him that appeared nothing particular happened. When he looked back at Cagalli, she was already gone, "Cagalli!"

There he found her stood rooted beside the truck while watching a scene before her in utter disbelieve. He watched too but less surprised, he had known he would be back anyway. The blueberry head stood at the front of abandoned orphanage he had asked before with smile engraved on his lips. Ahmed saw he had bought it, what's with all the moving agents that too busy unloaded his belonging to even care that there was a live chick flick being held. He wished he also had something to do to ignore the suspense.

"You idiot!" she yelled between her laugh of joy and expectedly running right into his arms in after wacked him on his head, but still only the hugged part that registered on Ahmed's mind, which he caught her with hint of slight grimaced and relief.

 _Oh darn!_ Ahmed cursed mentally for their public display of affection.

Now the love-birds before him murmured something that he couldn't catch because of the distance. He wasn't up for closer inspection while he was already this heavy watching them from this distance but didn't have the heart to yank them apart when she saw him with such longing eyes, he hoped directed to him instead, or how her hand reached tentatively to his short hair like the wind caressing his hair.

 _Oh dear god! I had enough of this,_ his poor heart shrieked like a girl in distress. "Cagalli! Come on, we still need to pick up some crabs!" he yelled almost sneered.

At the end he chose to be selfish and tear them apart with duty as his excuse. It was only temporary apart of course, but at least it was enough to stop his heart for lamenting a ballad song. He knew he acted like a sore-loser now but really the soreness was no kidding. She was his first love and he even had already saving to buy a ring to propose her if only she had given him a chance. Now though he could only watch his love shot down before it even bloomed. And through his dead love, her love rose and bloomed beautifully that made him wouldn't dare to rip it.

Ahmed let out a heap sigh as he watched she ran to him with wonderful big smile on her face that lit up matched how her eyes shone brightly after weeks being clouded. He supposed it was fine this way, after all he only wanted to watch that light from her. If Athrun could make her happy more than he ever did, then he would also put his trust in him as well. Rather than acted like a sore-loser, acted like a big brother to her would be way cooler, right? Beside as her brother he could act as protective older brother as much as he wanted.

A smug smirk made its way to his face when he left the glaring blueberry lad in dust.

.

***…END OF PART II…***

.

AN :

Hahahha… sorry for the last scene but didn't you sometimes wondered what's the side-character thinking during the final shutdown? It might as well my excuse to insert underrated character...hahha XD

Ahh also this fic inspired while I watched a news of asexual model that doing transgender. I wasn't judging anything by this fic aside for common life-lesson so don't think too far about it. The title however inspired by crossed-over FFXIII and FFXV's fic so yes folks, I may not own anything… again hahaha XD

Anyway thanks for reading this and to echi zala who left me a review, that's the wind I needed to hail this ship… ahhaha don't you feel like a pirate? XD


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